(For the last 6 years this blog has served as my scrapbook–a way for me to remember all that we have done, experienced, remembered, and been through. So, this post is strictly for me). But, you are more than welcome to read it. Beware–it gets personal.
In 2011 Mark Hall (of Casting Crowns) and Matthew West wrote a song called “Courageous.” (It was used in the soundtrack of the movie by the same name).
Here are some of the lyrics:
“….We were made to be courageous,
and we’re taking back the fight.
we were made to be courageous,
and it starts with us tonight.
the only way we’ll ever stand,
is on our knees with lifted hands.
make us courageous…
Now, granted the song was written for men as an encouragement and a charge to be better husbands/fathers, it certainly can be applicable to any and all Christians during a time of need. For husbands/fathers they are called to be warriors: men of God, as God created them to be–to step out, step up, stand up, speak truth, and lead, when necessary–to be more than just a spectator in someone else’s battle.
For people, like me, it’s an encouragement that battles cannot be won alone. In order to fight (and win), we must begin the battle on our knees.
- We must not be afraid.
- We must not fear.
- We must be courageous.
Trust me. This past week we spent a lot of time on our knees, figuratively speaking. This past week was surrounded with uncertainty. This past week was stressful and filled with anxiety. But, we were continually bathing in God’s Word:
“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.” -Isaiah 26:3
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” -1 Corinthians 5:16-18
So that’s what we are trying to do in the waiting. Keep our minds steadfast on Him. Giving thanks in all circumstances.
This past Monday, March 16th, I went in for a mammogram~just a routine one (it’s been two years since I’ve had one). On the mammogram they found a mass in my right breast, about 1/2 inch in diameter (on the top, to the left of the nipple). They immediately did an ultrasound to check it out.
Because of my sister’s history (Marcy)~she’s has breast cancer twice~they decided that I needed to have a core needle biopsy done. So, they scheduled the biopsy for Thursday.
Those three days were the LONGEST days–they were hard. Uncertainty. Nerves. Anxiety. Encouragement. Peace.
I experienced it all.
I experienced it all. And yet, I had to be strong. For me. For Paul. For our neighbors (Shannon and Ember took it worse than I did–assuming the worst). So, I remained positive. Paul and I prayed together–praying for God’s will to be done, no matter the circumstances. No matter what the results were, we would take one day at a time, trusting God in every step.
So, this is where I sat on Thursday.
By myself, I sat. I sat and stared at this sign–never believing, at my age, that I would be at the Susan G. Komen Breast Center. (Although my sister had breast cancer, she didn’t live with us when she had surgery, went through chemotherapy, etc. so I don’t really remember much of it). Therefore, this was my first experience. And it was happening to me.
Going in for a routine mammogram three days before and now here I was, waiting for a core needle to be thrust into my breast 5 times!! This is what happens to OTHER PEOPLE, not to me. My role has always been on the other side (encouraging and praying for other people, bringing comfort to them), and yet here I was, sitting, waiting.
I had the biopsy done Thursday. They took 5 sample tissues from the mass, just to make sure. (Ironically, as much worrying and praying as we did–the whole procedure only took about 45 minutes).
I made an appt. for 2:30 the next afternoon to get the results. The doctor said they would call, if they had good news. If I didn’t hear from them, then go ahead and come in.
Thursday night and Friday were EXCRUCIATING!! My phone was so heavy. As if I was carrying around the weight of the world. I was just trying to make it through the day. (And convince Shannon that I was NOT going to die)!!
“Everybody Dance Now” is my ringtone. You better believe I wanted to hear that song that morning!!!
About 12:30 my phone rang. While I was sitting at Panera Bread. Eating a Turkey Bravo Sandwich.
The nurse told me. “The results came in early, and I have good news. It was benign–non-cancerous.”
(Let me say that again)….
“It was benign–non-cancerous.”
Praise Jesus!! Praise Jesus!
We trust God. No matter what. We rely on Him. No matter what. We believe in His miracles. No matter what. And we rejoice in His goodness. No matter what.
Although we were fully prepared to trust God, no matter what–those words from the nurse were wonderful words to hear!
The nurse called it a fibroadenoma. (No cause for concern).
She said I would just need to go back in 6 months to get another ultrasound to just make sure it hasn’t grown. (If it has grown or there is still a concern as to why it’s there, then we’ll take further steps from there). And, no matter what. We will praise Him.
“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.” Lamentations 3:21-26
I’m doing fine. The incision bled some Thursday and Friday, but it’s good now. I’ve got some pretty significant bruising around the area, but they said it was completely normal.
So, here I am. With a scar on my chest. A reminder that I am not invincible. That life comes. And tries to knock you down. But, here I am to say.
“I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9
Finding Refuge 