Marital Spats

Everyone has them.  Well, I guess I should specify and say that every married couple has them.  (It would be difficult to have a martial spat, if you weren’t married)…but anyway….

We all have arguments, fights, disputes, disagreements, discussions, spats…call them what you want, but we do.

People (whoever these people are) say that the first year of marriage is the hardest.  Marriage is hard; I can speak from personal experience, but I have to disagree, at least from my experience, that the first year of marriage was not the hardest. 

I think our “honeymoon stage” lasted a long time….I think we were still “dating” even during our first year of marriage.  Yes, you should go out on dates with your spouse, but I think Paul and I were still “dating” (discovering each other’s likes/dislikes, what makes us mad/sad/happy, what we strived for, what brought us joy, etc.) when we got married.  Yes, most people disover those things when they date (and we did), but because we only dated for such a short amount of time, we didn’t have all of that fleshed out.  To me, our first year of marriage was really good.

Then, reality hit.  No more masks.  No more pretending.  No more “yes, dear, whatever you say.”  No more “I’ll agree with anything you say.”  No more fronts.  It was the real deal.  We were married. 

And we fought.  No, not cage match fighting, just disagreements.  Disputes.  Arguments.  I am right.  You are wrong.  I am in control.  You are not.  I have my opinion, and you can have yours (as long as you agree with me).  I remember my mom was so glad when I told her Paul and I had our first fight as a married couple.  She said, “It’s about time.”  (I think she thought we were too happy and it worried her).  Anyway, here we are, after 4 1/2 years of marriage, and we still disagree.

What do most married couples argue about?  Finances?  Work?  Children?  Love?  Sex?  Quality time/quantity time?  Friends?  Hobbies?  Family?

All of the above….and I think we’ve probably argued about most of those, as well.  (I don’t really remember, but I’m sure we have).  And, yes, even children.  Do we have children?  No.  Are we close to having children in the near future?  No.  But, three weeks ago, did we fight about how we were going to raise our children and discipline our children?  Why, yes we did.

Yes, most people have normal arguments.  However, we must not be normal.  Here are three arguments that we’ve had over the past month or so.

The biblical way to discipline our children (that we don’t even have).

Infant baptism vs. believer’s baptism.

The laying on of hands/God’s healing power

Yes, we have sophisticated arguments.  No petty fights here….anytime you want to have a theological discussion, come on over.  We might just fight with you about it.

Thanksgiving Day-2005

On Thursday, November 24, 2005, Paul and I were in Hamilton at his mom’s house, waiting to go to his uncle’s house for Thanksgiving.  I remember Paul waking me up early that day; earlier than I really needed to get up, considering we weren’t leaving until about 10:00AM to go celebrate with his family.  He made me get up, get ready, and get dressed, all before 9:00AM….

When we went into the living room he gave me this:

The front of the card (that’s Paul’s hand, made into a turkey…what can I say, my husband has talent)!

The inside of the card.  (I think you can click on the picture to make it larger).  Before Paul and I ever said, “I Love You,” we would say, “You mean the world to me,” instead.

This card is still on our refrigerator 5 years later.

After he gave me the card, he said we were going on a “tour” of Hamilton.  Now, let me tell you, Hamilton is a small town, somewhere between Stephenville and Waco.  I think the population is about 3,000.  It’s cute, but nothing to “write home about” if you know what I mean.  So, why in the world would Paul drive me around, on Thanksgiving morning, in the cold (as much as Texas can be cold at Thanksgiving) to show me Hamilton?

We ended up in this small little park area, beside this creek.  As we are standing on the bridge, talking and kissing, I’m sure (sorry, Mom)


This is us on the bridge (taken a few months later)

he gets down on one knee (I had told him previously that when-did you read where I just said “when” and not “if”- he asked me to marry him, I wanted it to be romantic, like in the movies) AND…..his cell phone rings!  His cellphone rings!!  (Did you get that?!  In the middle of his proposal, his phone rings)!  He got it out of his pocket, pushed a button, and made it stop ringing.  I told him he better ask me quick before it started ringing again. 

This is a reenactment picture of the situation.  Funny, huh?

So….he asked me to marry him.  And, of course, I said YES!  He put the ring on my finger (the one we had picked out a month before and the one I had packed, in my bag, to bring with me to his mom’ s house-I knew he was going to ask me, I just didn’t know when) AND….his cell phone rings AGAIN!!  This time, he answered it.  It was his brother, wondering where we were because it was time to go.

So, we went….the only person we told that day was his dad, when we got to his uncle’s house.  We were with about 20 other people that day (his extended family) and didn’t tell anyone.  I even wore the ring the whole day and no one ever said a word….weird, I know?!!

Then, because my parents didn’t know, hadn’t seen the ring, and weren’t very happy about the siuation, I had to take it off for the rest of the weekend when I went to go visit my friend in Dallas and my aunt and uncle.  So, I’m engaged for 3 whole days and can’t tell anyone!! 

Strange, but true.

After my parents were convinced (it took a lot of coaxing on my part) that it was really happening, I wore my ring back to Abilene.  The Tuesday after Thanksgiving we had Christian History class in the morning.  I wore my ring to school but really didn’t tell anyone right away.  We were in the middle of the lecture (listening intently to Dr. Prevost, I’m sure-or perhaps practicing my new signature) and this girl (the only other girl in the class besides me) looks over at me (I’m left-handed, so my hand was up on my desk) and screams, “Hey, did you get engaged?”  So….our story was told…

Here we are exactly five years later….

Happy Engagement Anniversary, Paul.  I love you!!

Here are a couple of our engagement pictures….

We got pictures taken twice….

Random Thoughts

  • This time last year we were in the Dallas area (Texas) ALMOST home for Thanksgiving.

This year I am laying on the couch watching “You’ve Got Mail” and listening to Paul snore in the other room….

Being in the car for 16 hours or laying on the couch…..which one is better?  Last year the destination was better, but after a very busy weekend, I am glad to be home.

  • On Friday night and all day Saturday we were in Springfield, IL at ICTC (Illinois Christian Teen Convention).  Nine of the youth from our church went and Rusty needed sponsors, so we went.  

After going to ICTC, I have decided I am too old to go on youth trips.  The music was SO LOUD….Paul said he was teeth were rattling….and staying up until 2:30 and getting up at 6:30 is NOT FUN!!  We got home last night and I went to be at 9:00PM.

  • Does anyone else:  1.) make their bed, 2.) clean the house, and 3.) put up all the laundry before you go out of town?

I do.  Paul makes fun of me.  I always make sure everything is put away and the house is neat before we leave.  There are two reasons why I do it.

1.) If a robber comes in and trashs our house, at least I’ll notice. 

2.) If we get in an accident or if something bad happens to us while we are gone and the police have to go in our house, at least it’ll be presentable.

🙂  I don’t think it’s weird….at all.

  • I have decided I am too old to wear 3-inch black boots to church. 

I wore them this morning to church and they killed my feet.  I was walking a lot this morning up and down the stairs (we had a potluck lunch and I was helping put stuff out) and I finally had to take them off and walk around in just my socks.  Which was fine, except I had on Halloween socks on.  Whoops.  I probably should’ve planned that better.

  • We have the whole week off from work.  8 days!!!

It’s F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!  Here is what is on my agenda:  1.) sleeping late, 2.) haircut, 3.) massage (thanks to our early Christmas bonus I get a massage), 4.) a night in Peoria with Paul, 5.) dinner and a movie, 6.)  Thanksgiving with our friends from church (they felt sorry for the lonely people at Great Oaks, I guess).  I’m excited!!

Well, I’m off to go take the mandatory Sunday afternoon nap.

Soda Fountain

Today we went to Pizza Peel for lunch (actually we were “working” at the Pizza Peel as part of our Great Oaks fundraiser) and were able to help ourselves to drinks out of the soda fountain.  Here’s our conversation during lunch:

Paul:  “We need to get a soda fountain for the house.  That would be awesome!”

Callie:  “Do you know how fat you would be if you drank all those calories and all that sugar all the time?”

Paul:  “You would have to get up to go get the soda, so that burns it off, right?”

Callie:  “Sure, honey, whatever you say…”

Paul:  “BUT, if we put it NEXT to the desk in the office (b/w the XBox and the computer), then I would never have to get up!  Yes, yes, that would work….”