And so it begins…

Well, here we are…another summer upon us.  Believe it or not, tomorrow is June 1st.  The beginning.  The end.  Depending on how you look at it.  It’s the beginning of something new.  Something exciting.  Something different.  Something unexpected.  Something unknown.  Something scary.  But it’s the end, too.  It’s the end of another spring.  The end of a rough two months.  The end of “faking it really well for our guest groups and never letting them know we only had 2 full-time staff here for the last two months.”  The end of the wondering.  The worries.  The “what-if’s.”  The “are we ready?”  Whether we are ready or not, here it is. 

I’m excited.  I’m nervous.  I’m fearful.  I’m afraid.  I’m anxious.  I’m puzzled.  I’m feeling out-of-control.  Isn’t it funny that I have no recollection of how I felt at this time last year.  I found this post, but I don’t think that really expresses how I felt.  I do remember I was missing Paul…it was strange for him to be gone so long.  I’m used to seeing him all the time b/c we live and work together and at the same place.  Other than missing Paul, I think I felt more relaxed then than I do now.  I can’t imagine that I would’ve, considering we had only been working here for 3 months, but I have no idea.  Maybe I blocked out…

I’m feeling very out-of-control right now.  Last year, for most of the summer, I cooked all 3 meals.  I did the meal planning, I ordered all the food, I made the cooking schedule (heck, I was the cooking schedule), so I knew what was going on every day, all day.  If someone didn’t show up to cook, it was my fault because I was that person.  This summer we have a 19 year old cooking breakfast everyday.  I’m really nervous.  In the back of my mind, I am rejoicing that I don’t have to get up at 6:00AM everyday to cook (it’s a glorious day when I can sleep until 8:30AM), but at the same time, dread inevitably follows that rejoicing.  Dread.  Worry.  Anxiety.  All of the above.

People keep telling me to let go.  Trust him.  Let him do his thing.  Let him mess up.  Let him fail.  He’ll learn.  So much easier said than done…

Isn’t it funny that we can pray over and over to allow God to come in and take our worry away.  And yet we don’t leave room for Him to come. 

“We must learn to let go, to give up, to make room for the things we have prayed for and desired.”  Charles Fillmore.

This quote kind of hit me today…in the gut.  If I pray for God to come in and take over, shouldn’t I at least make room for him?  If I pray and desire for Him to be a part of my schedule each day, shouldn’t I allow that?  What a novel concept…yet so hard to grasp.

This is another quote that I found that I really like.  Of course, me “liking” it doesn’t do much, unless I actually take it to heart, huh?  Well, that’s another struggle for another day. 

“Letting go doesn’t mean we don’t care.  Letting go doesn’t mean we shut down.  Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave.  It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment.  It means we stop trying to do the impossible–controlling that which we cannot–and instead, focus on what is possible–which usually means taking care of ourselves.  And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible.”

I, Callie Tanner, am a control freak.  I, Callie Tanner, like to be in control.  I, Callie Tanner, like to be in charge. 

There…I said it.  I confessed.  I want to be in control. 

Therefore, I have a really hard time letting go of this whole “breakfast thing.”  I have a hard time letting someone else take that position.  Again, secretly, I’m cheering that my alarm won’t go off until 7:00AM (when Paul has to get up), but again…letting go is very painful.

“Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave.  It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment…”

Wow!  Trying to make people behave…that’s me…that’s what I do.  I’m not proud of it, but I do.  I want people to do things my way.  My order.  I gotta give that up…I gotta let go…

I’m tired just thinking about it…oh well, here’s to another summer.

If you could, please say a prayer for us this summer.  Paul is dealing with some different dynamics that he didn’t have last year.  I am also having to “let go” of some things (as expressed), and I’m really having a hard time with it.



Memorial Day Weekend

Who knew weekends were actually for napping, fishing, sleeping late, resting, laying out in the sun, resting, reading, playing, cooking out, relaxing, napping, going to church, going out to eat, resting, relaxing…

Who knew you didn’t actually have to work on weekends…what a novel concept!

We’ve had a great 2 1/2 day weekend so far, with one more day to go!

Bring on one more day of freedom!

A Fishing Tale

I realized I never wrote about Paul and I going fishing this past Sunday…

We got a late start this season b/c of work and different things going on.

But, we headed out on Sunday night to do a little fishing…

Here was the deal we made:

If Paul caught the first fish, I would have to do the rest of his chores that night.  (Sunday is our usual chore day and he is in charge of vaccuming, sweeping, and moppping the floors).  So, if he caught the first one, it was my job to finish his chores.  Fair enough…

If I caught the first firsh, I would have do to the rest of his chores that night.  (Sunday is our usual chore day and he is in charge of vacuuming, sweeping, and mopping the floors).  So, if I caught the first one, it was my job to finish his chores.  Not fair enough…

Yes, after reading that second paragraph, you may have thought to yourself, “Didn’t I just read that?”  Yes, in fact, you did.  I did not copy that first sentence by accident…Paul makes great deals, huh?

Well, here’s the results…


As I think you can see, I lost…I didn’t catch anything…so, when I got home, I mopped.  But, Paul was so kind…he finished the vacuuming.  Of course, when you have more wood flooring than carpet, I drew the short end of the stick…

We were supposed to go again on Wednesday night, but instead I did this and we did this

Maybe we’ll have a “flip-flop” walk and a date night on the pond tomorrow…oh, how wonderful to have 105 acres as your back yard (or in our case, our front yard, since we have to walk out our front door to get to the pond).

Beauty School Dropout

Are you familiar with this song ?  Here’s my favorite lines from the song…

Baby don’t sweat it (Don’t sweat it),
You’re not cut out to hold a job.
Better forget it (Forget it),
Who wants their hair done by a slob?

                              The “BEFORE”

                   “ARMED AND DANGEROUS”

                                    The “DURING”

                              The “DURING”

                               The “AFTER”

I think I’ll stick to ministry for now.  If this ministry “calling” job goes south, maybe then, and only then, would I consider a job in the “hair business.”  OR NOT…

Here’s my favorite quote from last night:

Me:  “This thing is vibrating.  What do I do now?” (while holding the clippers in my hand, moving towards Paul’s head).

Paul:  “OK, first of all, hold it correctly (showing me the correct way).  Now, I thought I wanted it clean (no blade at all), but now I’m rethinking that and I would feel more comfortable if there was something between my head and those clippers, especially with you operating them.”

(I tell you…no faith…no faith at all)…

A Breath of Fresh Air

After three nights of interrupted sleep due to wheezing, three days of shortness of breath, an asthma attack and a trip to the walk-in clinic at 6:00 tonight to get a breathing treatment, I now am breathing fresh air…with the help of two new inhalers and a bottle of steroids…

Something is TERRIBLY wrong…

Right now, at 7:44PM, it is 90 degrees outside!!  90 degrees!!  Where we moved from, in Texas, it’s 81 degrees…something is terribly wrong…

The high today was 92…we were two degrees away from breaking the record.  In 1939 it was 93 degrees on May 24th!!

Crazy Illinois weather…

Almost Perfect Weekend

This past weekend was pretty good…in fact, it was almost perfect…

Friday night (remember this post)…fantastic!

Saturday morning…not so good, but manageable…I had to cook breakfast in 45 minutes b/c Jesse didn’t show up to cook breakfast (it was his turn).  Luckily, I got it out in 45 minutes and the group never knew the difference.

The rest of the day on Saturday was ALL MINE…I was off the rest of the day.  I went to the chiropractor, ran errands, played with Rebecca and Hannah, and enjoyed a night with Paul, after he got home from registration.

Sunday I went to “The Church Has Left the Building.”  Every 5th Sunday our church does service projects during the 2nd service as a way to give back to the community.  Well, the 5th Sunday falls on Memorial Day, so they bumped it up to this week.  I went to Mossville Elementary School with about 10 other people and helped pull weeds and pick up trash.

After church it was a “spoil Callie day.”  Paul had a day all to himself, at home…he LOVED it!!  I went shopping, went out to eat, went to a movie, and had ice cream BY MYSELF!!

I went and saw Letters to Juliet.  It was really cute.  It was a little long (2 hours) but I would recommend it. 

When I got home, Paul and I went and had ice cream cake to celebrate Ethan’s birthday and then we went fishing (more on that later).

Overall, an almost perfect weekend…