There is an idiom that says “Home is where the heart is….”
What does that mean?
Home…..a place, a dwelling that is usually someone’s residence
Well, in that case, our apartment in Giddings is our home. It makes sense. It’s where we live…
But, why then, is my heart somewhere else?
Is my home where I live or where my heart is?
Last week my sister wrote a blog about HOME….
In her post, she mentioned that home meant…”An environment offering security and happiness, a valued place regarded as a refuge or place of origin”
Did I feel safe and secure in Illinois? Did I find it as a place of refuge?
Yes, I did.
If you ever went to camp, you would know that Great Oaks was 105 acres of beauty….a refuge right outside the city….an environment offering security and happiness….groups would come all year long, longing for and searching for a place of refuge….
Was I always happy when I lived there? Of course not.
Happiness is temporary, but did I always have my place there? Yes.
Was our church in Illinois my family? You bet it was. I loved CCC, and I miss terribly.
So, was Illinois my home?
Yes, it was. (for 3 years).
Was it my place of origin?
My place of origin is Waco. I was born there. I was raised there.
So, if I say “I’m going home,” does that mean I am going to Waco? Or does that mean I am going to Giddings?
I lived in Waco for 25 years of my life. I moved from Waco to Abilene on August 16, 2005, my 25th birthday. It was a great move for me.
Did I struggle when my mom drove away 2 days later? Yes.
Did I get lost a few times driving around Abilene? Yes.
Was I homesick (for Waco)? Yes.
But, did I survive? Yes.
When I was in Abilene, I missed the familiar….not necessarily home, but just the familiar.
So, maybe that’s my problem.
I don’t necessary miss home, but I just miss the familiar.
I miss what I know.
I miss the convenience of “built-in friends.”
I miss my Great Oaks “family.”
“Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule.” ~Frederick W. Robertson
This quote reminded me of my sisters in my Great Oaks “family”…..Shannon and Ember. I miss you. I miss your hearts, I miss your smiles, I miss your laughter. I miss your support. I miss your hugs. I miss your candidness. I miss your openness.
I just plain miss you….
“The worst feeling in the world is the homesickness that comes over a man occasionally when he is at home.” Edgar Watson Howe.
That’s where I am now.
I am home, but I am homesick.
It’s ironic, isn’t it?