I’ve had this “New Post” page open for awhile, waiting for inspiration to come. I’ve stared at the blank page, unloaded the dryer, mailed a bill, and come back—and the page is still blank. I’m waiting for my thoughts to leap on to the page, so I don’t necessarily have to write anything down.
And, yet, it’s blank, staring me in the face, waiting for letters to appear, to create words, to create sentences, to create paragraphs, to create a post about what I’m feeling.
***As I was getting dressed yesterday for church, I began thinking. Since I’ve been doing Weight Watchers (since June) I’ve lost about 25 pounds. At most, I lost about 27 pounds, but I’ve “hovered” around 25 pounds for the last 3-4 months. The funny thing is, I have not dropped a pants size at all. I’m still wearing the same pants I wore last year. Now, they are a little “baggy-ier” but they still fit. I just have to “cinch up” the waist a little bit (but not to the point that I could get a bigger size–face it, I still have “hips”)….
So, when I put on a pair of pants yesterday (that I wore last year) I just had to move the belt buckle over 4 holes from last year (trust me, I keep count)….and they fit (still being a little baggy, but at least they didn’t fall down)….
Easy fix (adjustment), huh? Pants too big—just move the belt over.
This morning I went for a walk. The capri pants I had on have a “tie” waist (not elastic). I had to tie them a little tighter to keep them up.
Easy fix (adjustment), huh? When your capri pants are too big—tie them tighter.
On Monday night I went to College Station for the A&M/Lady Bears basketball game. As I was coming into Giddings, the low fuel light came on. I stopped at the Chevron right down from our apartment and filled the car up.
Easy fix (adjustment), huh? When your car is low on gas—just fill it up.
Yesterday Paul snagged his shirt on something and ripped the seam. He took it off, put another shirt on, and I’m going to ask my mom to fix it.
Easy fix (adjustment), huh? Something rips, you just sew it up and it looks like the original.
***So, if things are that easy to fix (or adjust) in life, why can’t we adapt that easily to the changes around us?
Life in Giddings has been an adjustment. I think it’s been harder for me than for Paul. He has established “his place” (by default) because he automatically found a place to serve because of his job title. He came into church knowing what he was going to do and the things that were laid before him. People “know” him or least know his purpose and the reason why he is here. I, on the other hand, have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing.
In my mind, I think expectations were set too high for the church. (Maybe by the church, maybe by me–I’m not sure). I remember going into Ovalo (where Paul was a pastor for a year) the very first Sunday and just crying. I was so sad. I missed Robert Lee so bad (and we really hadn’t been at Robert Lee for 4 months)–it was home and it was familiar. It’s what I knew and it’s what I was comfortable with. This past Sunday, I cried. In church. At FBC Giddings. I cried because things were unfamiliar. I cried because it was different. I cried because I was worried. I cried because….well, just because I’m a cry-er.
And, do you know….it’s been 4 1/2 years since we were in Robert Lee, but it is still so fresh in my mind; it’s like we were there yesterday. Everything I see, everything I do, I compare it to Robert Lee. My heart is broken up and it lives in two places: Robert Lee and Illinois. The latter is still a part of me because a month ago, we still lived there. A month ago I was surrounded by friends, saying good-bye, knowing we were leaving in 4 days to move here. I left dear friends (and a wonderful church) there and part of my heart is still there. The former always has my heart. Robert Lee is the very first place Paul and I lived as a married couple. We shared our first full year of marriage there–we had good times, bad times, lots of laughs, disappointment, love, pain, high’s and low’s. My heart cannot let go of the first place we ever served. I hope I will never forget RLBC and our friends who are so dear to us.
But, because it is a desire of God’s heart, I do hope that my heart can move here. To Giddings. To our new home.
I do hope that I can adjust and find a place to “fit.”
Please continue to pray for us. Our ministry here in Giddings is new and fresh and scary and a little intimidating. But, because we believe in a bigger God that has come before us and prepared this place for us, than we believe we are here for a reason.
And, yes, with time, I will “adjust to fit”