Open and Vulnerable Heart

Today is Monday, May 25th.  It is Memorial Day and I am laying in bed, relaxing…we have the day off and we are taking advantage of it…

Today is Monday, May 25th.  Three months ago, today, we rolled into Great Oaks with a 14 foot trailer and a car in tow, knowing that our lives were about to change, but not knowing what to expect.  And, three months later, our lives are still changing and I still don’t know what to expect…

Somedays it feels like it’s so natural to live here.  Like we’ve been here forever.  Other days I feel like a stranger, like I’m a guest in someone else’s house.  We’ve had lots of guest groups come and go in the last three months and I think Paul and I do a pretty good job of at least “pretending” like we know what we’re doing (even if we really don’t).  There are days that I know exactly what I need to do and everything just “flows.”  And then there are other days when I feel completely lost, like a sheep looking for his shepherd, some direction or guidance to help me along the way.

Today is Monday, May 25th.  Three months and three days ago I left my comfort zone to move here to central Illinois.  I left my friends, my family, my familiarity to move somewhere 16 hours away, to an apartment I had never seen, to a place I had only visited for less than 48 hours, and to be with new friends whom we hardly knew.  And yet, here we are.  I enjoy our little apartment, cozy and quaint as it might be (it’s easy to clean b/c it’s so small), I enjoy our new friends and I love having neighbors so close by.   Our backyard is 105 acres of hiking trails, a pond full of fish, beautiful trees, and wildlife (if you get up early enough or stay out late enough to see it).  How many of you can say that you have flocks of turkey and deer in your backyard?

This weekend everyone here at camp had family in to celebrate birthdays.  One of our sweet little friends turned 1 on Saturday and another one turns 3 next Sunday.  They both celebrated birthdays this weekend with their grandparents, aunts/uncles, and friends…it made me miss my family…

I miss my mom.  I miss the way she always knows the right thing to say (even when I don’t want to hear it).  I miss my dad.  I miss the way he grabs me to hug me, even if I didn’t always want to be hugged.  I want to show them my world.  I want to show my mom the kitchen where I work (she wouldn’t believe all the cooking that I do).  I want to show my dad the pond and have fun fishing with him (we used to go fishing when I was little and looking back, I wish I would’ve appreciated that time a little bit more).  I want to show them the ropes course (my mom would absolutely LOVE it) and the hiking trails.  I want to show them my world.

Today is Monday, May 25th.  Today I am sad.  I enjoy my new life (please don’t read into this and think I am miserable b/c I am not) but I do miss my life in Texas.  I think I still have that right to be a little homesick.  This is my home now, but I think my heart is still in Texas.  Our license plates still say Texas, our driver’s license still have the Texas seal, and my heart still longs for the familiar.  Maybe soon all of those will change.

So, to make myself feel a little better, I think Paul and I are going to try to find some Mexican food in this little place they call Central Illinois.   They don’t know what real Mexican food is…

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One thought on “Open and Vulnerable Heart

  1. I know exactly how you feel about the homesickness, feeling like a stranger, and the Mexican Food! I finally got my new driver’s liscense a couple of weeks ago and when I traded in my car, I had to get rid of TX plates. We do have the plates hanging on the wall though!

    We’re still in search of good Mexican food and it’s been about 6 months.

    Praying for you guys!

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